Child of God

On Sunday in an adult forum at church we were talking about diversity. A woman whose brain does not function the same as the brain's of the other people present claimed, "I'm mentally ill, but I'm still a good person." Never before had I heard someone identify their self as "mentally ill." She was stating who she is, and she is proud of who she is. On the one hand, I'm glad that she is proud of who she is despite the label society has given her. On the other hand, the hand that moved me to write this blogpost, society has convinced this woman that their is something wrong with her, something that makes her one of "them" and not one of "us;" someone who because of the way she was created, has to defend the goodness of her being.  There is nothing positive about the word "ill." I've searched dictionaries and scoured the thesaurus, but everything about the word ill suggests that "ill" suggests something evil, not right. Ill is bad. The woman who identified herself as mentally ill is not. So why does society as a whole refer to those whose brains are gifted in ways that vary from the majority as "ill?" The woman in church is perfectly capable of understanding that being mentally ill meant that there was something wrong with her. Even if she didn't the labels we give to people shape our own perspectives of the person and when we deem someone as "ill" we are implying that something is wrong with them.

In celebration of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I read one of his speeches in which the scenario of Sunday morning kept coming to my mind, we have come a long way in terms of celebrating the dignity of people whose dignity was once lost, but we've got a long way to go. There are still too many people who cannot function within our society, and rather than adapting society to be welcoming for all people, we quarantine them in group homes or hospitals. Yes, there are many services that allow people whose minds work differently to live a fairly stable life, but too many people deemed "mentally ill" are left homeless.  According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration-25% of people who are homeless are deemed "mentally ill." Only 6% of the U.S. population is deemed "mentally ill." 

If people continue to deem those whose minds function in ways different than the majority to be "ill" the problem will continue. Nobody should have to defend their goodness because of a label they have been given that deems them as not right. So, Ms. church-lady, you are a human being created with dignity by the God of us all and, yes, you are good.

Too many words

As I attempt to scrape together my identity in terms of what I believe concerning a deity, I begin to open my mouth and utter the words that could be used to communicate my deity to another person, as humanity has been doing for ages. All I can do is begin to utter a word. My current state in relation to God is a stark contrast to having around 3,000 years of words to fill up the space of God.

The last couple of preachers I have heard have had too many words about God for the time they are allotted, and the books I am reading have too many words about a being that they claim to be mysterious and awe-full. I am currently wrestling with the idea that maybe silence says it better. To me this deity needs no words because all one must do is gaze outwardly, truly look outside of oneself into creation, and a deity is self-evident. I can squeak out a sound of effort as I motion outward, but no words seem to suffice. Silence follows as I search within myself for the right words... but to no avail.

While this inability to speak of God in any way that might be comprehensible to you or myself has been slightly annoying, it also leaves room to breathe. In the awkward silence, I breathe and I remember that the breath that I am taking is a gift and that my life is connected to so much other life and is at the mercy of other life, and there I find God.

We try so hard to speak of God and to speak to God that I think we often fail to give God room to speak to us. Perhaps if we leave room for silence we wouldn't always look for words to fill up the space of God. We would know that God is, well, God, and that we are people who cannot even begin to comprehend what God is or how God works because our words do not suffice.

My experiences of other times when words do not suffice hold true, I hope with great heart, attesting that God is there where I cannot fill the silence. When a friend suddenly loses her daughter who was only two years older than myself to cardiac arrest. The mother forced to burry her daughter and her world without warning.  Sure, I could offer her the promise of Christ that her daughter will rise and she will see her again but that does not fill the void today as she struggles through the silence left by a short-lived life. In the silence of the hospital waiting area, however, we looked out onto beautiful pink sunsets and peace was found. The vast beauty of creation offers us peace because it reminds us that we are small, very small, and there is something much bigger than us that we are a part of. If nothing else we know that once our life ends we can offer ourselves to the beauty of creation that has offered life to us so that others might have life until they, too, are swallowed up into the vast beauty of creation, into the great mystery for which words do not suffice.

One might suggest that silence is also a very dangerous way of finding God as silence has left too much room for monstrous acts of humanity, but I am not suggest that anyone be silent in relation to matters of humanity. Rather, we refocus our words of God and use the room that is made for words concerning matters of creation.

So, in too many words, this is where I am currently standing... and breathing; not being suffocated by too many words.

Peace.

Discernment Disasters

It has been about a month since my studies at Luther began. Despite my attempt to make this be right, when Josh half-heartedly suggested we move to California next year a great wind of relief swept over me. The wind of relief abandoned me fairly quickly as I began to panic.... I might actually need to figure out what I should do with my life. One would think that as a student in seminary on the path to ordination I had already figured that out, but, this is not the case. As I began to express the situation to those who have walked along this path with me, nobody seemed to be surprised. In fact, many were just waiting for me to come to the realization that the track I was on may not be the one I am meant to walk. My discernment process started early, but over the last few years it has become less and less stable, perhaps in a good way. My call to ordained ministry has been one that I have interpreted as being temporary, something I would do for a while then go and do something else. I couldn't shake the idea of ordained ministry because it was what I expected of myself, and, what I thought others expected of me. However, I believe I have mistaken those imagined expectations for a calling and, thus, limited my access to what I was being called to "after" ordained ministry. It seems very real and raw to me that my calling is towards something else now. What that is... I may just have to let you know when I get there.

However, my hopes are that it is a ministry of God for God's people. By this I mean that I hope it is a ministry that overcomes the boundaries of religion as an institutionalized practice. One that sees all religions as completely valid ways to interpret the interaction between what is real to us, creation, and that which is present but not fully fathomable to us. Institutionalized religion seems to get one caught up in doing what is traditional and expected of each religion rather than fostering one's spirituality with the tools that have been passed down by generations. Rather than freeing people to live, and really live amongst other life, it offers a doctrine of life that may or may not limit one's understanding of the divine. It seems that the best way to understand the divine is to looks out into the creation one can fathom, where-within the unfathomable divine is present and active. Through different religions we gain access to the presence and interpreted activity of the divine which offers light to our paths of understanding; both our fathomable reality and the unfathomable being of God.

Well, here you have the recent perils of my discernment process (at least a glimpse of it). A couple pieces of irony in all of this for your muses... it was the message of Christ that enabled me to look past Christianity. While I feel as though I am struggling with the identity of being Christian, my identity as a Lutheran still makes sense to me. That is all for now folks. Peace.

Vegetarian Life

One year ago today I was heading back to Sioux Falls, SD from a visit to my parent's and shopping for a wedding dress. As usual, I stopped in Watertown to give my old and tired car a break and to fill up with gas. On this occasion I also made a stop at McDonald's for some savory chicken nuggets as I had decided that the next day I was going to start my journey into vegetarianism.... and a delicious journey it has been thus far. For the last year I have repeatedly been asked "why?" and sometimes, "WHY?" For a good part of the year I knew my own reasons but was not sure how to articulate them. Ethical? Yes. Nutritional? Yes. People understand these reasons and they typically stifle further questions (bonus) but neither really get at the reason I became a vegetarian.

I have always had a soft spot for animals and if I thought about what I was eating while I was eating meat usually I suddenly became full. My brother's still tease me to this day about my first attempt at becoming a vegetarian. I was in about sixth grade and we were probably have pork or some meat I didn't like for dinner and in order to avoid eating it I claimed that I was a vegetarian. When it came to dinner the next night at McDonald's I claimed that I was a vegetarian... with exceptions and proceeded to order a cheeseburger. After suffering much ridicule from my brothers for my pseudo-vegetarianism, I surrendered and withdrew my statement about being one and continued to enjoy meat until one year ago. This time I went at it with a fuller understanding of my reasons, a little more self-control, and a little less desire for fast-food.

This may come as a shock to those of you who know me well, but scripture has become the source that allows me to articulate my reasoning for being vegetarian. In the first creation story of Genesis God says:


"I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. ³⁰ And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food." 

While I do not take a literal approach to the scriptures, I do think there is some weight in the fact that this ancient story, which has been preserved because of the wisdom it offers, suggests that humans might not have the right to seize life for their own advantage as we see fit. The Old Testament is filled with stories of sacrifice, rules about sacrifice, sacrifices gone wrong etc. Sacrifice was practiced not only to give offering to God but to prepare the meat being sacrificed and to give thanks for the life that was being given in order that others might thrive. So far in the Old Testament we go from no meat to meat that is properly appreciated and recognized as a sacrifice. Today, in my experience, people typically give no heed to the lives that are created, lived, and sacrificed just to give and nourish the lives of people. (This story is oddly similar to another pretty big one in the New Testament, please take note and feel free to wrestle with this). People too easily take for granted the sanctity of life in all beings. In this last year I have become so much more aware of the sanctity of life and have come to mindfully appreciate the sacrifices that creation undergoes in order for me to have life.

 SO... why am I a vegetarian? It humbles me, it challenges me, and it is one small thing I can do to protect and honor the sanctity of all life. Am I telling you that you should become a vegetarian? Not necessarily (although I fully support anyone's decision to become one). I do ask, however, that the next time you eat meat you sincerely give thanks and appreciate the life that was sacrificed in order to give you life and that you take only what you need.

Peace.

Be Centered.

While I never thought that and Early Church History class at 8 a.m. would inspire anything in me, yesterday morning as we discussed worship in the early church I was reminded about what the center of ministry is. Communion. One would never believe me after cruising through the communion line on a Sunday morning but to the early church the "love feast" was the majority and the center of worship. Each person brought what they could and the community broke bread and drank wine together in celebration of the resurrection. During the last supper Jesus says, "remember me." Are we really remember Jesus and the Christ story together when we file through to receive a pinch of bread and a swig of wine on Sunday morning? When I think about the way we remember people as we celebrate their lives I would say no, we are not remembering Jesus. When we remember others we tell stories, the good and the bad, and these stories about a common loved one unite the people present. Remembering a person creates fellowship and community in honor of that person and what they have done for each persons life. 


Communion in the early church was not a funeral, it was a celebration of life... life everlasting. It is a celebration in memory of the story of Jesus and the risen Christ who lives among us. The celebration of communion was the center and the fabric of early Christian life, it appeals to every aspect of humanity offering the hungry food, the thirsty drink, and the lonely fellowship. When prayer is done in communion the community shares its need with one another and the community is called to be the body of Christ and to meet the needs being expressed. Communion goes beyond basic human needs, however, and reminds all people that not only are they worthy of life now, they are worthy of life everlasting with the risen Christ. Whether or not I am sure about this life everlasting, which is a topic for another post, the gospels say that we are made worthy of it. When people are turned away from the communion table they are being told that they are not worthy of the bread, not worthy of the life. As I remember Jesus I don't remember those words. I remember the center of the Christ story being a love that transcends any social, political, racial, economical, etc. boundaries. Amen. 

God's Peace.

A new day

This last month has been full of new experiences and new places, changing relationships, and a couple bitter-sweet goodbyes. A couple of weekends ago Joshua and I went home to say goodbye to my car, my parent's house, my best friend, and my family as it has always been. I found myself repeating the phrase:


When the world around you seems to be crumbling just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and open your eyes to a new day.


I am not sure if the phrase came from somewhere or if I made it up, but when I felt like I was about to lose it, it seemed to do the trick. Not all the change has been bad; I got married, started seminary, moved to the cities. However, I found that even the good change has its trials. 


Amongst the trials is my constant see-saw ride with my vocation. Sometime I walk back from class hating the idea of being in seminary and terrified of the responsibility I will have if I become a pastor, thinking maybe I interpreted my calling wrong. Other times I know I am in the right place. This morning, for example, as I visited a congregation near the capital building and was moved nearly to tears as they read the scriptures in THREE languages!!! One community worshipping one God together, differences abounding. I have no idea what the sermon was about, but it was clear that something true was happening amongst those people. 


All the change has reminded me why I am here, though. I remember another time in my life that everything seemed to be crumbling and, quite literally, it was only by the grace of God that I stood. My faith remained constant, a solid standing ground, as I was lifted up by the love of God's people. I am here because since that time I have felt an urging to lift others up and to stand with them on solid ground so that when everything is changing we can close our eyes and know that we will open them to a new day.